You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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