it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
