can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I came so hard my ears popped.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
