made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
