I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
That accounts for only three of the penises
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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