If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize