PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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