You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
