I wish my penis had an off switch
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
