i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize