You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
