There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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