Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
