its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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