I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
two words: eviction party
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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