he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
