i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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