by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
