I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
