she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
