I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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