your thong is hanging out like whoa
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
