Jerry, you need to find god
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
