I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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