Duck Duck Cougar?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
