i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
