I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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