Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
