You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It was confusing and full of hummus
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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