I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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