....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He keeps bees of course he's weird
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
