I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
