just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
