I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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