If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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