I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
