Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
