i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I am mentally ready for anal.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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