Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
