I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Don't EVER smell your tampon
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Sext me about skeletons
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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