Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
