sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
