god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
