Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
