a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
