how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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