omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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