i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
