You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
