Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
