god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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