The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
