Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
