Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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