I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My dick has a subreddit
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
