you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You can't special order awesome
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize