you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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