Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
