lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
