i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
