I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
