her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
