you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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