i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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