Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
