3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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