You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I smell like Dick and happiness
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
