I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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