Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
