And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
