never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
