i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
