i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We have so much sex to catch up on
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
