We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
