Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
