woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
