i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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