You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
