you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
