can we get nightvision for the apartment?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
