Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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