So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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