After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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