your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
