Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
