I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
