The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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