plz talk dirty to me
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
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