I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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