who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
