Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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