haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize