3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
