I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
