I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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