so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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