this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
