my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
