That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
