we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
