People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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