when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
