I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i now understand why vodka
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
