so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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