Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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