You made me cry and you don't even care
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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